I come from a very traditional family: republican, catholic, upper middle class, suburban; so naturally my entire life my gender has been communicated to me in a traditional way. I was born female, I should act female. My very earliest memory of my parents assigning my gender role would probably be the very first family photos we took. I was about five years old and my brother had just turned one. In the pictures that are still scattered around mine and my grandmother’s house, I am wearing a floral print dress while my brother is wearing blue corduroy overalls. I am positive I would rather have been wearing the overalls—all the better to be running around and climbing all over everything in— but a young girl doesn’t (traditionally) engage in those types of activities. We sit quietly and play with Barbies or read picture books. As a child and teenager, I was positive my brother lived the good life. He was expected to play football, I was never allowed. He got to wear pants to church, I had to wear a skirt. He got to go to the baseball games with dad, I went to the mall with mom. But please don’t misunderstand, it is true that I am a “girly” person (I love shopping, ballet, dressing up and dating men); it is also true that I love college football, drag racing, the color blue and cool cars. From the earliest age, expectations are laid down for each of us to pick a gender and fulfill it; for the most part we all do. Soon age and experience prove that it’s not always possible to stay directly in between the lines of our gender roles; instead we learn that wavering, whether it is a lot or a little, will teach us new things and bring us closer to our own true identity of sorts. We are who we are and the expectations of others to be anything different, especially traditional, is not only unrealistic but disregarding to the human ability to shape our own character.
Let me give you another example. I work part time at Victoria’s Secret. Most days I work in the back unpacking, hanging, sensoring and steaming merchandise. I work with mostly women but there are also about five men who work there as well. One day a few weeks ago I was packing up a large box of hangers. I went to get on the ladder to put the box up in the loft only to be interrupted by co-worker Andy. He was very concerned with my ability to lift the hangers onto the loft as the box had become quite heavy. Andy offered to lift the box for me and while I was grateful that he was looking out for me I was also slightly insulted that he found my ability to lift heavy objects less superior than his own. I consider myself quite physically strong and was in fact able to lift the box into the loft all myself. While I am positive Andy meant no insult, his request was a product of gender stereotyping, which unfortunately is not an uncommon occurrence. Assuming someone cannot do something because they are a female or male is the same as assuming someone cannot do something because they are a specific race. However, I do understand that some people would feel differently about this scenario which brings me to my final point: be yourself under all circumstances. If you believe men should wear overalls and women wear dresses then by all means act accordingly. If you believe only women are perfectly capable under all circumstances to lift boxes into lofts then don’t accept help from men when they offer. At the end of the day it is not necessarily what you believe but what you do with your beliefs. Change does not always come from talking about it, and believing in something enough to do something about it will not only change the world but change ourselves as people. I believe it is important to find out who we are, what we believe and what we are going to do about it.
